I wish time-travel were possible because I could prevent times of endless stupidity when I was a lot younger that all ended with me getting:
-Mortally wounded
-Sick
-Actually getting an infection in my leg that actually could have led to blood poisoning
-cut
-stung
-bitten
-sliced by glass
-wet and silt-y from falling into a pond
-yelled at
and I could go on like this for a number of minutes, but the point is, I could avoid a LOT of pain, humiliation, and crushing embarassment if time travel could be possible. Here are some of the things I would say to myself if I could time travel back a few years ago to warn myself about life-altering injuries:
1. Beach glass does not mean any old piece of a beer bottle you find on the beach. Beach glass means small pieces of glass that have been washed smooth by the ocean over years. Beer bottles are sharp and can cut you.
2. (To 7-year-old Julia) Trying to ride a bike onto your patio down a path that is bordered by sharp, dry sunflower stems is a bad idea. Especially when you fall onto the stems and your leg gets punctured by a 2-inch piece. Then you get a horrible, pussy infection and you'll need antibiotics for two weeks. Antibiotics that look like the pus coming out of you leg.
3. Wearing bare feet and running through a field of summer clover might sound appealing, but it usually means you're going to get stung by a bee. Multiple times.
4. The neighbor's cat does not appreciate being picked up by the armpits. Annoying a cat can result in scratches all over you. Also, it's not fair to complain to the neighbor about their " Viciousis monstery cat" since it's your own fault for picking up their cat under its armpits. Plus, for the future, cats have incredibly needle-like teeth.
5. (To 4-year-old Julia) Pretending to be a naked caveman in the rain in October can lead to a bad cold. Even a naked caveman might have figured that one out...
6. Your mom's face cream is not frosting.
7. For the fifth time, YOUR MOM'S FACE CREAM IS NOT FROSTING.
8. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??? For the last time, your mom's face cream is not frosting and will never be frosting no matter what it looks like or how many times you check.
9. Sewing kits tend to be sharp.
10. Your dad will tend to get angry when you put guinea pig food in the disc drive of the computer.
11. Cats do not enjoy being put in your baby sister's diapers. Oh, and in case you hadn't noticed, cats have claws.
12. Dog food doesn't taste like steak, even if there's a picture of a steak on the front of the bag.
13. And cat food doesn't taste like chicken.
14. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?? Guinea pig food does not taste like vegetables!
15. Trying to ride a scooter on the curb is probably going to result in a couple of scraped knees.
16. You are going to feel sick if you eat a tub of your mom's face cream. How many times do we need to go over this??
17. It is not a good idea to jump around the perimiter of a pond, especially when the pond is bordered by slippery rocks.
Also, if I could time travel, I would be able to answer the ultimate question:
What was wrong with me when I was four?
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Bunny Wars - and I SO have a cold!!!
Okay.
A bunny can't spend ALL her waking hours in a CAGE, right?!?!?!?!
Duh.
So, we obviously let Blackberry out to play all the time, usually twice a day, and to find a creative outlet for her insane hopping energy, we usually choose one room, block off the doorway to the other rooms (You see, our house is very open and airy-there aren't a lot of doors on the first floor, only doorways), and lay out fun little toys for her - a tunnel made of cardboard boxes, plastic balls, cardboard tubes, etc. It's a very fun time for people and bunnies alike, right?
Wrong.
At least, not anymore.
You see, recently, Blackberry decided she wanted to start escaping to under:
- Beds
- Couches
- Armchairs
- Pianos
- Sideboards
- Dressers
and many other equally annoying places that are a) Hard to get her out of
and b) No fun because she's hiding under a bed the whole time.
So the solution to that was obvious - "We can block it up with pillows! That'll be easy AND effective!"
But it's never that easy, is it?
Let's just say that because rabbits can compress themselves down until they only take up half a square inch of room and then squeeze into ANY SPACE THEY WANT, the pillows weren't actually a satisfactory solution.
So we started using more and more stuff to block up the spaces until the formula for keeping Blackberry where she was supposed be went something like this:
1 pillow, 1 blanket, 2 books = each sq. foot of blockaide space.
TOTALLY annoying, right??
Well, we finally discovered a good way to keep Blackberry out from under the furniture, but then she decided she wanted to explore other rooms - the more electrocution hazards, the better! So we had to invent more effective doorway blockaids, which usually include some combination of trash cans, laundry baskets, book baskets, tote bags, bed pillows, couch pillows, blankets, and loose books, usually about four feet high.
Guess how high a teeny baby bunny can jump?
You got it.
So anyway, now we usually just use our pillows-under-the-couch technique and let her run all over the first floor, like today.
So the lesson for today?
NEVER underestimate bunny power.
P.S. You know how I said I totally have a cold?
Well, I find that when you wake up and your breathing makes it sound like your lungs got replaced by a buzz saw, you're probably going to have a bad day.
I'm so evil right now!!
A bunny can't spend ALL her waking hours in a CAGE, right?!?!?!?!
Duh.
So, we obviously let Blackberry out to play all the time, usually twice a day, and to find a creative outlet for her insane hopping energy, we usually choose one room, block off the doorway to the other rooms (You see, our house is very open and airy-there aren't a lot of doors on the first floor, only doorways), and lay out fun little toys for her - a tunnel made of cardboard boxes, plastic balls, cardboard tubes, etc. It's a very fun time for people and bunnies alike, right?
Wrong.
At least, not anymore.
You see, recently, Blackberry decided she wanted to start escaping to under:
- Beds
- Couches
- Armchairs
- Pianos
- Sideboards
- Dressers
and many other equally annoying places that are a) Hard to get her out of
and b) No fun because she's hiding under a bed the whole time.
So the solution to that was obvious - "We can block it up with pillows! That'll be easy AND effective!"
But it's never that easy, is it?
Let's just say that because rabbits can compress themselves down until they only take up half a square inch of room and then squeeze into ANY SPACE THEY WANT, the pillows weren't actually a satisfactory solution.
So we started using more and more stuff to block up the spaces until the formula for keeping Blackberry where she was supposed be went something like this:
1 pillow, 1 blanket, 2 books = each sq. foot of blockaide space.
TOTALLY annoying, right??
Well, we finally discovered a good way to keep Blackberry out from under the furniture, but then she decided she wanted to explore other rooms - the more electrocution hazards, the better! So we had to invent more effective doorway blockaids, which usually include some combination of trash cans, laundry baskets, book baskets, tote bags, bed pillows, couch pillows, blankets, and loose books, usually about four feet high.
Guess how high a teeny baby bunny can jump?
You got it.
So anyway, now we usually just use our pillows-under-the-couch technique and let her run all over the first floor, like today.
So the lesson for today?
NEVER underestimate bunny power.
P.S. You know how I said I totally have a cold?
Well, I find that when you wake up and your breathing makes it sound like your lungs got replaced by a buzz saw, you're probably going to have a bad day.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
My Bostonian dragon! And sorry I'm STILL blowing you off!
This is a post about the dragon picture I drew in Boston. It's a new style I tried after drawing a dragon in a resturaunt that looked like a yak. It's actually my first attempt at a semi-Chinese dragon, although it kind of looks like a hybrid between one of my regular dragon pictures and a Chinese dragon - for instance, my dragons typically have more horns and less hair, while a traditional Chinese dragon would have a shaggier mane and more of those wiggly whiskers. Anyway, I really like it and I hope you do too!
The scales took me three days because we had to do stuff (like sightseeing!).They were actually kind of a disappointment because it was supposed to turn out red, but the space between the scales made it look pink. Anyway, I still like it.
Ta da!!!!!!!!!
And by the way, I'm sorry I'm STILL blowing you off about the vacation, but the camera is STILL dead!! >:( Anyway, hope this will keep you satisfied until I charge that darn camera!!
The scales took me three days because we had to do stuff (like sightseeing!).They were actually kind of a disappointment because it was supposed to turn out red, but the space between the scales made it look pink. Anyway, I still like it.
Ta da!!!!!!!!!
And by the way, I'm sorry I'm STILL blowing you off about the vacation, but the camera is STILL dead!! >:( Anyway, hope this will keep you satisfied until I charge that darn camera!!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
FIRE DEMON!!! (In case you hadn't noticed, I'm SO HYPER!!!!!!!!)
This is a post about an awesome hyper drawing that I drew!!!!!!!!
Now, about this- I would be writing about our vacation in BOSTON!!!!!!!!!!! But it would be stupid if I had no pictures of the trip, and the camera has been dead since we got home Friday night. :( So anyway, that's why I'm posting this awesome picture instead!!!!!!!!!!! Also I just ate a cupcake and now I'm hyper!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay for hyper...ness!!!!!!!!
I drew this picture because I was reading this weird book called 'Heck- where the bad kids go'. So I was all thinking about hell-demons and underworld stuff, and then I decided I wanted to draw something!!!!!!!!!!! Yaaaaaay!!!!!!! I'm SO HYPER RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
......................Okay, I'm better now, a little bit.
And now I guess I'll show you the picture.
By the way, when I scan stuff, the colors and image is actually almost always better in the real drawing.
He4re it is!!!!!!!! And WTF to the random four!!!!!!!!!!
Yaaaaaay! It's a demon!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. You know how I said I drew this because I was thinking of demons and underworld stuff?
Well, I was also thinking about my friend James, whose face inspired part of this lovely, lovely drawing.
HAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm SO HYPER, James!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, about this- I would be writing about our vacation in BOSTON!!!!!!!!!!! But it would be stupid if I had no pictures of the trip, and the camera has been dead since we got home Friday night. :( So anyway, that's why I'm posting this awesome picture instead!!!!!!!!!!! Also I just ate a cupcake and now I'm hyper!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay for hyper...ness!!!!!!!!
I drew this picture because I was reading this weird book called 'Heck- where the bad kids go'. So I was all thinking about hell-demons and underworld stuff, and then I decided I wanted to draw something!!!!!!!!!!! Yaaaaaay!!!!!!! I'm SO HYPER RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
......................Okay, I'm better now, a little bit.
And now I guess I'll show you the picture.
By the way, when I scan stuff, the colors and image is actually almost always better in the real drawing.
He4re it is!!!!!!!! And WTF to the random four!!!!!!!!!!
Yaaaaaay! It's a demon!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. You know how I said I drew this because I was thinking of demons and underworld stuff?
Well, I was also thinking about my friend James, whose face inspired part of this lovely, lovely drawing.
HAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm SO HYPER, James!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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