Now, this is an 'annoyed' post. The reason it falls under that category is because it is ( as you could probably glean from the name) about my chickens and their annoying habits. Now, I just was thinking about them because I was feeding them this morning, and they were being really dumb and I was also thinking about writing a new post and I said to them, "Hey! maybe I can write about you guys! Then the whole world (or at least the five people who read this random junk) will know how annoying you are!!!" Now I don't know what kind of random geek would care about reading about my annoying chickens, and I bet you aren't a random geek whoever you are and you didn't want to read about my annoying chickens, but then why else would you have clicked on this title? And if so, how could you be anything BUT a random geek? Well anyway I bet you didn't want to read about chickens but too bad because that's what I'm writing. OKAY.
This is a list of their annoying habits.
#1: They find some pleasure in being exceedingly, ridiculously loud. Don't ask me why, but they do. All day every day, they just walk around going BAAAAAAAWWWWKKKK BAK BAK BUCKAWK BAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUK BUK which, in case you have never heard it, is incredibly annoying. And people think roosters are the loud ones!........ Maybe it's because they know somehow that they're not going to live very long, so if they are going to be loud and annoying they want to be as loud and annoying as they possibly can. That's probably it.
#2: They are little escape artists!! We have this length of green fence that we curl into a circle and put against the sides of the permanent run. Then, we open the little door and they hop onto the doorframe and into the grass. We close up the edges of the fence, and move them along every few hours so that they don't destroy the lawn too much. But when they get bored, they almost always find a way to escape. And chickens run really fast.
#3: They really poop a lot. They are like little pooping machines. The run is always really stinky. That's really all there is to say.
#4: They are spoiled brats! If you don't get them out in the grass soon enough, I swear they will weak you up!! They reach the limit at about nine. They start clucking louder and louder, and if that doesn't work, they start screaming and flapping to about the decibel level of a jet plane so I go, "Huh? what? are they being attacked out there?! I bet there's a huge rabid raccoon out there! Oh my God what if it's a hawk?!?!?!!? MY CHICKENS ARE OUT THERE BEING ATTACKED BY A HAWK!!!!!!!!!" So then when I come racing out the door with pepper spray, they are just standing there cocking there smug little heads innocently and after I feed them, they actually figured out that noise=food so they start doing it AGAIN and when I get mad they're like, "Hmmmmm? you don't want us to wake the whole neighborhood? you don't want us to contact the ASPCA? We thought you said there was a hawk...."
#5: The little jerks will break and eat their own eggs if you don't feed them soon enough in the morning. Sometimes their faces will be yellow from the yolk. This habit is particularly upsetting because we even had to buy eggs from the store, it was so bad! How humiliating, right? I even started getting up at seven in the hopes of catching them before eggs were broken. The only good thing is that they never break their eggs in the grass.
So if you ever want chickens of your own, beware, because some are cursed with the ancient burden of annoyingness! Beware! Also the neighbors might want to beware of number four. But if you do want chickens, they make good pets. At least some of them.
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