Why I wish time-travel were possible

I wish time-travel were possible because I could prevent times of endless stupidity when I was a lot younger that all ended with me getting:

-Mortally wounded


-Sick

-Actually getting an infection in my leg that actually could have led to blood poisoning


-cut


-stung


-bitten


-sliced by glass


-wet and silt-y from falling into a pond


-yelled at


and I could go on like this for a number of minutes, but the point is, I could avoid a LOT of pain, humiliation, and crushing embarassment  if time travel could be possible. Here are some of the things I would say to myself if I could time travel back a few years ago to warn myself about life-altering injuries:

1. Beach glass does not mean any old piece of a beer bottle you find on the beach. Beach glass means small pieces of  glass that have been washed smooth by the ocean over years. Beer bottles are sharp and can cut you.


2. (To 7-year-old Julia) Trying to ride a bike onto your patio down a path that is bordered by sharp, dry sunflower stems is a bad idea. Especially when you fall onto the stems and your leg gets punctured by a 2-inch piece. Then you get a horrible, pussy infection and you'll need antibiotics for two weeks. Antibiotics that look like the pus coming out of you leg.


3. Wearing bare feet and running through a field of summer clover might sound appealing, but it usually means you're going to get stung by a bee. Multiple times.



4. The neighbor's  cat does not appreciate being picked up by the armpits. Annoying a cat can result in scratches all over you. Also, it's not fair to complain to the neighbor about their " Viciousis monstery cat" since it's your own fault for picking up their cat under its armpits. Plus, for the future, cats have incredibly needle-like teeth.


5. (To 4-year-old Julia) Pretending to be a naked caveman in the rain in October can lead to a bad cold. Even a naked caveman might have figured that one out...


6. Your mom's face cream is not frosting.


7. For the fifth time, YOUR MOM'S FACE CREAM IS NOT FROSTING.


8. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??? For the last time, your mom's face cream is not frosting and will never be frosting no matter what it looks like or how many times you check.


9. Sewing kits tend to be sharp.


10. Your dad will tend to get angry when you put guinea pig food in the disc drive of the computer.


11. Cats do not enjoy being put in your baby sister's diapers. Oh, and in case you hadn't noticed, cats have claws.


12. Dog food doesn't taste like steak, even if there's a picture of a steak on the front of the bag.


13. And cat food doesn't taste like chicken.


14. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?? Guinea pig food does not taste like vegetables!


15. Trying to ride a scooter on the curb is probably going to result in a couple of scraped knees.


16. You are going to feel sick if you eat a tub of your mom's face cream. How many times do we need to go over this??


17. It is not a good idea to jump around the perimiter  of a pond, especially when the pond is bordered by slippery rocks.


Also, if I could time travel, I would be able to answer the ultimate question:
What was wrong with me when I was four?